decision. life decision.

today, 26 October 2010, and i decide to forget mbek. i decide to let him go without know anything about me and my feeling. i let him go, i let him spread his wing, and i'm staying here, fix my heart and give all of my best to still stand and fight with this pain. sometimes, i don't know, how came, a man like him could let me down like this. what magic that he used? what spell that he told? i just amazed for being down like now. 

from the first time, i just realized how poor am i. i couldn't be anything that he wanted, and the mostly hard thing is, there was her ex girlfriend that still stay in his heart. i should know about that, but my heart keep strong and let me forget that fact. till know. when we changed into the cold ones, when i couldn't stand with this cold thing, i choose. i choose to forget him and never let him know that how deep i love him and how long my way to keep strugling for him. until this long way, long journey, finally i don't get anything. except my only pain. and how to forget him. 

boy, I love you this much. and you just can see it? sorry for leaving you, but you should know I bring all of my pain. and I don't share this pain with you. 

i just love you in the way you are. i try to accept you, whatever and whoever you are.

i just wish all the best things in your life.

i just need a confession from you. a little adjustment. but, why i never got it? why i never know? what me for you? did i mean something? you never said that, you never explain that, and here I am, prepare to go from you and your life. 

i know. i need a process. 

i couldn't leave you directly and act like there's nothing happen.

i am really weak, and may get lost for an unlimited time, but i promise you, i will be back soon. just for my self. not you. 

so, start from tommorow. i will start to forget you. like try to stop breathing.